Back 2 Back Champions

Let me get this out of the way before I even begin. As I logged into my account to write this post, I noticed that my last post was October 1st, 2010. That's just shy of one year ago. To my loyal (9) fans, I apologize. It's been a learning experience, though. Before I started this blog, I thought I was super interesting and that I'd have a plethora of stories to tell and experiences to share. Apparently, I had 10.

The reason I'm back today is because I can't contain my excitement(!). And Jay Solomon told me I had to write (see blog post named Erin for previous posts that were posted due to pressure and influence). Last night we won the B'nai Brith B1 Division Modified Pitch Softball Championship. For those of you not in the know, it's merely steps (86) below professional baseball. In all seriousness, though, it's a good league with some great baseball players. And we are not just champions, we are Back 2 Back Champions. See the post from last year after the championship to relive the magic!

The night was not short on drama. The series was a best 2 out of 3 and with the unstoppable rain on Monday (they were having trouble closing the roof on the field), we were forced to play games 1 and 2 in a doubleheader Tuesday night. Doubleheaders used to be exciting. Now they are painful.

Game 1 started off terribly for us (GreenGold Athletics). After the top of the 1st inning, we were down 7-0. We had some climbing to do. We chipped our way back and had the game tied by the time we hit the 3rd inning. Both teams were hitting well all game and in the last inning, we stepped up our attack until the umpires finally called the game due to time and runs. GreenGold were officially up 1-0 in the series. It was a real team effort. And by team effort, I mean me. I had a grand slam and 7 RBI in that game. Timely hitting from the top of the order to the bottom was the key to victory. And our cool as a cucumber pitcher Sammy Zahler was unbelievably solid and reliable as usual. After the game, Sammy said to the sideline reporter: "Get me back out there for game 2, I'm in a f*&kin' groove." Couldn't have said it better myself.

We dug ourselves a similar hole in game 2. In fact, in game 2 we played from behind the entire game. Everytime we'd chip away, they would throw a few more runs on the board. This game had it all. Zaldin hit another of his 3 homeruns on the night, Wally stole home, Greenspoon consistently hit the ball hard and found holes, Berger played through a fracture in his foot to make great plays at 3rd and short, Tenny hit a grandslam in the top of the 7th to take our 1st lead, Soly hit the ball hard and launched rockets from his post in right field, Grossman mashed a ball and showed patience at the plate, Matty came back from injury without losing a step to hit and run like the wind, Zach called a great game behind the plate and had a few timely hits and Sammy hit a homerun like The Natural. I think it's still waiting to land. Oh, and me? I hit another grand slam. No big deal.

But a special shout out goes Baum. The guy shows up to the 2nd game in the 5th inning in a suit (he's like Superman!). He puts on a show for the fans by undressing in front of them and then he looks like the Baum we know and love. Socks up to his knees, pants tucked into socks and shirt tucked into pants. He pitched the last 2 innings like Mariano Rivera. He didn't let up a run and was dominant. And he had a huge hit to go along with it. But the end needs more explaining.

There was a time limit on the game. The game had to end by 10:45pm. We scored 6 runs in our last at bats to take a 4-run lead, but it was 10:35pm. If the game goes beyond 10:45pm, it reverts back to the last inning's score (where we were losing). We made the strategic decision to get out as quickly as possible to try and get the other team out in their half of the inning before time was up. After a few sloppy outs, we hustled into the field. The other team was furious, but what were we to do? It was either continue hitting and lose, or play some strategy. The other team was so flustered by our strategy that they went 3-up and 3-down with some amazing catches from Wally and stellar pitching from Baum.

And that's that. We're back 2 back champions and even though we have some guys in pain today, we've got the fall and winter to nurse our wounds. Today we are champions and that makes the pain just a little more tolerable.

Next year we go for the 3-peat. Is it May yet?

Erin

My uncle Momi gave me a stern talking to earlier this evening asking me to update my blog. He threatened to unfollow me if I didn't keep it up. Most of you don't know my uncle, but he is large. Like thick and full of muscles large. And Israeli. Like Israeli army Israeli. And one thing I've learned in all my years knowing him. You listen to him. Don't get me wrong. I'm not scared of him or anything. Just kidding, Momi, I am.

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My baby sister Erin is engaged! And she couldn't have picked a nicer guy. Brandon is his name. Talking sports with me is his game. And if that's your game, we're good.

Erin is the best. And she deserves a great guy. I couldn't be happier for the two of them.

I'd like to take this opportunity to provide some sage advice for the soon to be married couple as I am now a seasoned pro, 1.5 years into marriage.

1. Don't just appreciate each other. Tell each other you do. Don't ever let the other forget it. That's usually how fights break out.

2. If you haven't already, fart under the covers. Both of you. If you can withstand the dutch oven, your marriage will forever be wonderful. No issue is as bad as that.

3. Don't forget to continue to have your own lives. Friends, sports, etc. Time apart is the best part of marriage. Just kidding. But having lives outside of each other makes the time together that much better.

4. Don't fart in public and when someone asks what the smell is, point at each other and say it was the other. Blame is a shame. I just made that up. I should get a t-shirt made.

5. Have fun together. You're going to be spending a ton of time together for the next lotta years. So enjoy each other's company and always at least pretend your listening.

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Tonight I got my iPhone 4 and I'm so pumped. Problem was that my laptop is too old and can't handle the new software. So I am currently transferring a ton of files onto our newer computer. I never knew I could do the file transfer I'm doing now. All you need is an ethernet cable. Who knew?? I feel like a hacker. Seriously, I want to share the secrets of file transfer with everyone. I just have this sneaking suspicion that most people will tell me that I'm an idiot for not knowing that. And then I'll lose this high I've got.

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Sign I'm approaching 30: I'm totally getting into scotch. Not everything about turning 30 is lame. Hello coolness!

Break out the bubbly!

Tonight I am a champion. Just a few hours ago, the GreenGold Athletics won their 1st championship. And it feels so good. How many guys out there can say they've won the B'nai Brith, B2 Division softball championship? I bet you can't name too many.

The team was incredible. We went 14-2 over the last 16 games of the season (including playoffs) and outscored our opponent 22-3 in the 2-game final. That's a thorough thrashing if you ask me. We had stellar pitching, timely hitting and impenetrable defense. We were a proud bunch tonight having beers and food at the Firkin. The hardest part is waiting all the way until next year.

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For those keeping score at home, that's a Beavers hockey championship and a GreenGold baseball championship in 2010.

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You know I did last week? I went to go see Rock of Ages, a musical showing in Toronto. Lauren and my sister Erin really wanted to go. I didn't really care, but I agreed to go. And folks, I'm glad I did. The show was funny. The music was great. But how could you go wrong with 80's rock? I highly recommend the show.

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Sign I'm approaching 30: My big night out in the last month was a musical at the Royal Alex.

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I also want to give a quick shout out to my friend Carla who premiered her short film at TIFF last week. It was a lot of fun to go and see it and she was brilliant in the Q&A. Congrats Carla. Selfish point: The beautiful art we bought from Carla 6 months ago is skyrocketing in price. Boo ya!

I'm a hot head.

I played softball tonight, filling in on my brothers-in-law's team. We warmed up and waited for the other team to show. Finally they started to show and one-by-one, we started noticing some things. Cut-off t-shirts, tight muscle shirts, black Adidas track pants and designer sunglasses on the field. We were playing against the Jersey Shore cast.

And they didn't disappoint. They were going nuts on each other after the first inning. Really getting into each others' faces. It was great fun to watch. We were crushing the ball, too, which made things worse.

Most of you reading the blog know me. And most of you know me as a nice, mild-mannered guy. Right? Well, apparently the Jersey Shore cast brings out the other side of me.

We're in the 4th inning and I'm up at bat. The pitcher (I think he's Ronny) has huge muscles. And he makes sure everyone notices, too. He lifts his sleeves between each pitch. And lifts his shorts up when he's at bat. He throws a wild pitch and our man on 3rd runs home and scores. The runner is no Usain Bolt so the bench goes nuts, cheering like crazy.

The excessive cheering did not bode well for me at the plate. The next pitch was thrown above my head. I started to get the feeling that something was going on. I started thinking that maybe, just maybe the pitcher was about to take out his frustration on me. It's three balls and one strike now. And with the pitcher getting set to pitch the next one, the feeling in me that he was about to try and hit me was overwhelming. The wind up, the pitch and he threw one as hard as he could right behind me. A fuse blew in my brain. I threw down my bat and took a hard step towards the mound. The next words out of my mouth were profound and profanity-laced.

The umpire, a real hot head himself, stepped in and said that he knew FOR A FACT that the pitcher was not trying to hit me. Idiot. Seriously, a total fucking idiot.

Being the nice guy that I am, I tried to have a conversation with the umpire after the inning asking how it was possible that the pitcher wasn't throwing at me. That's when I got my official warning from the ump that the next time I spoke I'd be thrown out.

In my next at bat, I hit the ball hard and far, but it was right at their centre fielder. No big deal, as I had already had a triple and a single off the guy. But this time, as I'm walking back to the bench, the pitcher says: "Take a fucking seat." I kept my cool.

I calmly went up to my friend, the ump, and explained what the pitcher said. The ump runs over to another player on my team and says, verbatim: "I can't call anything I don't hear. So tell your player that another word and he's gone and to stay the hell away from me." Me. Really? I hadn't yelled or screamed or even showed up the ump. He was a complete hot head. But now I wanted to really get to him.

Finally, in the last inning, I was playing first and there was a nice play. The ball was thrown to me at first and the ump called that my foot came off the bag. Wrong. So I looked at him and he goes into this diatribe about how he saw my foot come off. So I put my hand up and told him I didn't want to hear anymore. I was actually upset with myself because I had come up with a better line afterward. I wanted to tell him that we weren't on speaking terms, so he should just keep his mouth shut. It was my George Costanza "jerk store" moment.

I stayed in the game. We won. I went 3 for 4 and played solidly in the field. All in all, a pretty fun game. And no one got hurt.

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Sign I'm approaching 30: I consider rushing the mound when I get a ball thrown at me in underhand softball. Oh, and it's B'nai Brith.

So that's why we have traffic!!

Writing a blog is weird. You write it, you post it and then you just hope that some people might read it. And if you're really lucky, those reading it might even pay attention to it. And if you're really really lucky, they might even comment or send you a personal note or email.

Well, call me lucky. My last blog wrestled with the infuriating nature of traffic on the 401 and the infuriating part to me was my lack of understanding. Why the hell does it happen?

Well, when you have cousin doing a physics PHD at Harvard, you can sometimes get answers to things you don't understand. And then you feel stupid.

Gilad, you have earned your mention in today's edition of the blog.

Keep in mind, the following is written by a Montrealer, hence the anti-Ontario sentiment in #1. The rest of material is actually very smart and interesting.

You can read the explanation here:

There are three likely possibilities:
1. You're in Ontario, which means people don't know how to drive... therefore weird things happen.

2. The road width changes. If you go from 2 lanes to 3, then suddenly traffic can move faster. (If this isn't obvious, put a narrow tube at the end of a long one, and you'll see that the water flows faster out of the narrow tube than it flows through the big one). On a related note (which will also be related to point 3), when you lose a lane, traffic increases since the road is now narrower, but after a few kilometres, once people get over the whole merging jam, traffic could start to flow smoothly again even if you still have less lanes. (This is called a steady state solution... at the boundary where you lose a lane, traffic starts... but away from the boundary, people figure out how to drive faster and deal with the missing lane).

3. The most interesting point: a "domino effect" or "butterfly effect", etc. Imagine a line of cars, all cruising at the same speed.
Car 1 taps his breaks.
Car 2 sees car 1's break lights, but by the time he processes it, he needs to tap his breaks a little harder than car 1 did so as not to crash into him.
Car 3 sees car 2's break lights, but again because of his delay, needs to press a little harder than car 2 did, which is even harder than car 1's breaks.
....
.....
Car 1000 slams on his breaks, because of all the time delays.
So... let's consider 2 lanes now. Car 1 switches lanes (and probably slows down a little).
Car 2 sees him moving, and taps his breaks.
Car 3 sees the breaks, has a short delay, then presses his own breaks, etc....

Conclusion: Even though there wasn't an accident, if there are lots of cars to begin with, and someone at the front is switching lanes and / or keeps tapping the breaks, then it could lead to more traffic further behind.
When traffic cleared, it's likely that the leaders of the pack causing the trouble had gotten off at the exit before (or started driving normally).

That's how it's possible to have traffic out of nowhere.

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Alright, Gil, if you can solve that, can you figure out the opposite? As in the lack of traffic to my blog? Boo ya.

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Sign I'm approaching 30: I'm interested in traffic.

More traffic to Montreal than to my blog

Let me start off by saying that I'm actually quite pleased with the traffic to my blog so far. In fact, it's quite humbling to know that people are somewhat interested in reading what I have to say.

But that traffic does not compare to what we experienced on the way to Montreal as well as the way home. It's a long weekend, so we expected traffic. It's frustrating no matter what.

Here's the thing, though. I don't fuckin understand traffic. Sure it makes sense when there's an accident or construction, but can someone please explain to me how there can be a complete stand still and then 1 km down the road it just opens up. Honestly, I don't understand it. As I said to my sister Erin in the car, it seriously makes my brain hurt when I think about it. I know this sounds like a bit, but I just don't get it. Ok, that's enough about that.

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I was in Montreal this past weekend for my Uncle Momi's 50th birthday party. Nothing like a 50th birthday to make someone feel better about their journey to 30! It was a great party and nice to see the whole fam.

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Lauren (my wife) told me a hilarious story today that I can't even believe is true. Before I tell the story, it's important to know this about her. She has olive skin. And in the summer, she tans beautifully and gets a nice dark colour. We clear? Good.

So she's walking out of work today on University Ave. in Toronto. She's standing on the corner waiting for the light to change when a black woman taps her on the shoulder and says: "Hey, you're almost as dark as me." HA! I lost it when she told me that. Could there be a more random encounter on the street? What did Lauren reply? Nothin'. She smiled awkwardly and ran across the street when the light changed.

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Sign I'm approaching 30: Got my hair cut on Friday. First thing Lauren mentions: "Wow, that patch of grey hair really stands out now." Sigh.

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Sarah (remember my intern?) is no longer my intern. She has officially been promoted to account co-ordinator. Can't think of anyone more worthy of the promotion. Well, she was the only one in line for that promotion. Sadly, she's headed back to school at the end of next week. I will miss teasing her until she cries.

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KV. Always a good idea to keep your boss happy with a mention in your blog. That's a lesson for all the young readers out there.

Taking my talents to the Moose

After an absolutely crazy week last week, I took the weekend to relax. It gave me some time to think. I've actually been thinking a lot lately about what I want to accomplish before I hit 30. I'd like to be taller. Not really tall, just a little taller. I've started stretching (vertically, of course). I will chart my course and keep you, my loyal readers, up-to-date.

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Lots of people have been talking to me about my blog lately. I'm not ready to start the fan club just yet, but it's a great conversation piece. Thing is, the conversation inevitably leads to everyone asking for a mention in the blog. And then I smile and nod and say no problem. But now that I'm a celebrity (read: first-time blogger desperate for interested readers), I can't just mention everyone. A mention has to be earned. You can also just be nice to me.

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I did not win the $50 million Lotto Max jackpot this weekend. It's amazing that I go through the same thought process every time I buy a ticket. It's a four stage process:
1. I slowly but surely convince myself that there's no reason I couldn't win this time.
2. Then I start to think about some of the things I'd do with the money.
3. Phase 3 is when the draw is just an hour or so away and I have now convinced myself that this week is actually likely to be my winning week and start to work on my reactions. I've settled on the slow OMG's to start, building up into consecutive "Holy shit's" and finally running around in circles wherever I am.
4. The 4th phase is where I lose and come crashing back down to Earth. Just want to be clear that this phase is the worst one.

There you have it. Three phases of hope and one of reality. Too bad only the last one counts. The others are much more awesome.

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Signs I'm approaching 30: I get really upset with myself if I forget to pack a fat-free pro-biotic yogurt for my 3:30 snack.

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I've made a decision for this upcoming season. This is hard...I'm going to take my talents to Wednesday nights with the Moose. I will now be a Moose on Wednesday and a Beaver on Thursdays and Sundays.

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Big win in 3-on-3 hockey tonight with playoffs starting next week. Team is on a roll heading into the playoffs. Would love to take home the championship. We don't get diamond encrusted championship rings, but we do get vouchers at the Thirsty Penguin that we can use towards some food and drinks. Talk about something to play for.