I played softball tonight, filling in on my brothers-in-law's team. We warmed up and waited for the other team to show. Finally they started to show and one-by-one, we started noticing some things. Cut-off t-shirts, tight muscle shirts, black Adidas track pants and designer sunglasses on the field. We were playing against the Jersey Shore cast.
And they didn't disappoint. They were going nuts on each other after the first inning. Really getting into each others' faces. It was great fun to watch. We were crushing the ball, too, which made things worse.
Most of you reading the blog know me. And most of you know me as a nice, mild-mannered guy. Right? Well, apparently the Jersey Shore cast brings out the other side of me.
We're in the 4th inning and I'm up at bat. The pitcher (I think he's Ronny) has huge muscles. And he makes sure everyone notices, too. He lifts his sleeves between each pitch. And lifts his shorts up when he's at bat. He throws a wild pitch and our man on 3rd runs home and scores. The runner is no Usain Bolt so the bench goes nuts, cheering like crazy.
The excessive cheering did not bode well for me at the plate. The next pitch was thrown above my head. I started to get the feeling that something was going on. I started thinking that maybe, just maybe the pitcher was about to take out his frustration on me. It's three balls and one strike now. And with the pitcher getting set to pitch the next one, the feeling in me that he was about to try and hit me was overwhelming. The wind up, the pitch and he threw one as hard as he could right behind me. A fuse blew in my brain. I threw down my bat and took a hard step towards the mound. The next words out of my mouth were profound and profanity-laced.
The umpire, a real hot head himself, stepped in and said that he knew FOR A FACT that the pitcher was not trying to hit me. Idiot. Seriously, a total fucking idiot.
Being the nice guy that I am, I tried to have a conversation with the umpire after the inning asking how it was possible that the pitcher wasn't throwing at me. That's when I got my official warning from the ump that the next time I spoke I'd be thrown out.
In my next at bat, I hit the ball hard and far, but it was right at their centre fielder. No big deal, as I had already had a triple and a single off the guy. But this time, as I'm walking back to the bench, the pitcher says: "Take a fucking seat." I kept my cool.
I calmly went up to my friend, the ump, and explained what the pitcher said. The ump runs over to another player on my team and says, verbatim: "I can't call anything I don't hear. So tell your player that another word and he's gone and to stay the hell away from me." Me. Really? I hadn't yelled or screamed or even showed up the ump. He was a complete hot head. But now I wanted to really get to him.
Finally, in the last inning, I was playing first and there was a nice play. The ball was thrown to me at first and the ump called that my foot came off the bag. Wrong. So I looked at him and he goes into this diatribe about how he saw my foot come off. So I put my hand up and told him I didn't want to hear anymore. I was actually upset with myself because I had come up with a better line afterward. I wanted to tell him that we weren't on speaking terms, so he should just keep his mouth shut. It was my George Costanza "jerk store" moment.
I stayed in the game. We won. I went 3 for 4 and played solidly in the field. All in all, a pretty fun game. And no one got hurt.
--
Sign I'm approaching 30: I consider rushing the mound when I get a ball thrown at me in underhand softball. Oh, and it's B'nai Brith.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
So that's why we have traffic!!
Writing a blog is weird. You write it, you post it and then you just hope that some people might read it. And if you're really lucky, those reading it might even pay attention to it. And if you're really really lucky, they might even comment or send you a personal note or email.
Well, call me lucky. My last blog wrestled with the infuriating nature of traffic on the 401 and the infuriating part to me was my lack of understanding. Why the hell does it happen?
Well, when you have cousin doing a physics PHD at Harvard, you can sometimes get answers to things you don't understand. And then you feel stupid.
Gilad, you have earned your mention in today's edition of the blog.
Keep in mind, the following is written by a Montrealer, hence the anti-Ontario sentiment in #1. The rest of material is actually very smart and interesting.
You can read the explanation here:
There are three likely possibilities:
1. You're in Ontario, which means people don't know how to drive... therefore weird things happen.
2. The road width changes. If you go from 2 lanes to 3, then suddenly traffic can move faster. (If this isn't obvious, put a narrow tube at the end of a long one, and you'll see that the water flows faster out of the narrow tube than it flows through the big one). On a related note (which will also be related to point 3), when you lose a lane, traffic increases since the road is now narrower, but after a few kilometres, once people get over the whole merging jam, traffic could start to flow smoothly again even if you still have less lanes. (This is called a steady state solution... at the boundary where you lose a lane, traffic starts... but away from the boundary, people figure out how to drive faster and deal with the missing lane).
3. The most interesting point: a "domino effect" or "butterfly effect", etc. Imagine a line of cars, all cruising at the same speed.
Car 1 taps his breaks.
Car 2 sees car 1's break lights, but by the time he processes it, he needs to tap his breaks a little harder than car 1 did so as not to crash into him.
Car 3 sees car 2's break lights, but again because of his delay, needs to press a little harder than car 2 did, which is even harder than car 1's breaks.
....
.....
Car 1000 slams on his breaks, because of all the time delays.
So... let's consider 2 lanes now. Car 1 switches lanes (and probably slows down a little).
Car 2 sees him moving, and taps his breaks.
Car 3 sees the breaks, has a short delay, then presses his own breaks, etc....
Conclusion: Even though there wasn't an accident, if there are lots of cars to begin with, and someone at the front is switching lanes and / or keeps tapping the breaks, then it could lead to more traffic further behind.
When traffic cleared, it's likely that the leaders of the pack causing the trouble had gotten off at the exit before (or started driving normally).
That's how it's possible to have traffic out of nowhere.
--
Alright, Gil, if you can solve that, can you figure out the opposite? As in the lack of traffic to my blog? Boo ya.
--
Sign I'm approaching 30: I'm interested in traffic.
Well, call me lucky. My last blog wrestled with the infuriating nature of traffic on the 401 and the infuriating part to me was my lack of understanding. Why the hell does it happen?
Well, when you have cousin doing a physics PHD at Harvard, you can sometimes get answers to things you don't understand. And then you feel stupid.
Gilad, you have earned your mention in today's edition of the blog.
Keep in mind, the following is written by a Montrealer, hence the anti-Ontario sentiment in #1. The rest of material is actually very smart and interesting.
You can read the explanation here:
There are three likely possibilities:
1. You're in Ontario, which means people don't know how to drive... therefore weird things happen.
2. The road width changes. If you go from 2 lanes to 3, then suddenly traffic can move faster. (If this isn't obvious, put a narrow tube at the end of a long one, and you'll see that the water flows faster out of the narrow tube than it flows through the big one). On a related note (which will also be related to point 3), when you lose a lane, traffic increases since the road is now narrower, but after a few kilometres, once people get over the whole merging jam, traffic could start to flow smoothly again even if you still have less lanes. (This is called a steady state solution... at the boundary where you lose a lane, traffic starts... but away from the boundary, people figure out how to drive faster and deal with the missing lane).
3. The most interesting point: a "domino effect" or "butterfly effect", etc. Imagine a line of cars, all cruising at the same speed.
Car 1 taps his breaks.
Car 2 sees car 1's break lights, but by the time he processes it, he needs to tap his breaks a little harder than car 1 did so as not to crash into him.
Car 3 sees car 2's break lights, but again because of his delay, needs to press a little harder than car 2 did, which is even harder than car 1's breaks.
....
.....
Car 1000 slams on his breaks, because of all the time delays.
So... let's consider 2 lanes now. Car 1 switches lanes (and probably slows down a little).
Car 2 sees him moving, and taps his breaks.
Car 3 sees the breaks, has a short delay, then presses his own breaks, etc....
Conclusion: Even though there wasn't an accident, if there are lots of cars to begin with, and someone at the front is switching lanes and / or keeps tapping the breaks, then it could lead to more traffic further behind.
When traffic cleared, it's likely that the leaders of the pack causing the trouble had gotten off at the exit before (or started driving normally).
That's how it's possible to have traffic out of nowhere.
--
Alright, Gil, if you can solve that, can you figure out the opposite? As in the lack of traffic to my blog? Boo ya.
--
Sign I'm approaching 30: I'm interested in traffic.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
More traffic to Montreal than to my blog
Let me start off by saying that I'm actually quite pleased with the traffic to my blog so far. In fact, it's quite humbling to know that people are somewhat interested in reading what I have to say.
But that traffic does not compare to what we experienced on the way to Montreal as well as the way home. It's a long weekend, so we expected traffic. It's frustrating no matter what.
Here's the thing, though. I don't fuckin understand traffic. Sure it makes sense when there's an accident or construction, but can someone please explain to me how there can be a complete stand still and then 1 km down the road it just opens up. Honestly, I don't understand it. As I said to my sister Erin in the car, it seriously makes my brain hurt when I think about it. I know this sounds like a bit, but I just don't get it. Ok, that's enough about that.
--
I was in Montreal this past weekend for my Uncle Momi's 50th birthday party. Nothing like a 50th birthday to make someone feel better about their journey to 30! It was a great party and nice to see the whole fam.
--
Lauren (my wife) told me a hilarious story today that I can't even believe is true. Before I tell the story, it's important to know this about her. She has olive skin. And in the summer, she tans beautifully and gets a nice dark colour. We clear? Good.
So she's walking out of work today on University Ave. in Toronto. She's standing on the corner waiting for the light to change when a black woman taps her on the shoulder and says: "Hey, you're almost as dark as me." HA! I lost it when she told me that. Could there be a more random encounter on the street? What did Lauren reply? Nothin'. She smiled awkwardly and ran across the street when the light changed.
--
Sign I'm approaching 30: Got my hair cut on Friday. First thing Lauren mentions: "Wow, that patch of grey hair really stands out now." Sigh.
--
Sarah (remember my intern?) is no longer my intern. She has officially been promoted to account co-ordinator. Can't think of anyone more worthy of the promotion. Well, she was the only one in line for that promotion. Sadly, she's headed back to school at the end of next week. I will miss teasing her until she cries.
--
KV. Always a good idea to keep your boss happy with a mention in your blog. That's a lesson for all the young readers out there.
But that traffic does not compare to what we experienced on the way to Montreal as well as the way home. It's a long weekend, so we expected traffic. It's frustrating no matter what.
Here's the thing, though. I don't fuckin understand traffic. Sure it makes sense when there's an accident or construction, but can someone please explain to me how there can be a complete stand still and then 1 km down the road it just opens up. Honestly, I don't understand it. As I said to my sister Erin in the car, it seriously makes my brain hurt when I think about it. I know this sounds like a bit, but I just don't get it. Ok, that's enough about that.
--
I was in Montreal this past weekend for my Uncle Momi's 50th birthday party. Nothing like a 50th birthday to make someone feel better about their journey to 30! It was a great party and nice to see the whole fam.
--
Lauren (my wife) told me a hilarious story today that I can't even believe is true. Before I tell the story, it's important to know this about her. She has olive skin. And in the summer, she tans beautifully and gets a nice dark colour. We clear? Good.
So she's walking out of work today on University Ave. in Toronto. She's standing on the corner waiting for the light to change when a black woman taps her on the shoulder and says: "Hey, you're almost as dark as me." HA! I lost it when she told me that. Could there be a more random encounter on the street? What did Lauren reply? Nothin'. She smiled awkwardly and ran across the street when the light changed.
--
Sign I'm approaching 30: Got my hair cut on Friday. First thing Lauren mentions: "Wow, that patch of grey hair really stands out now." Sigh.
--
Sarah (remember my intern?) is no longer my intern. She has officially been promoted to account co-ordinator. Can't think of anyone more worthy of the promotion. Well, she was the only one in line for that promotion. Sadly, she's headed back to school at the end of next week. I will miss teasing her until she cries.
--
KV. Always a good idea to keep your boss happy with a mention in your blog. That's a lesson for all the young readers out there.
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